Letter 17

Dear Shay,

Hello! For years I have been a rather moody person. I guess this is just part of my personality. Sometimes I am very friendly and like to be around people. Then, there are times when I just want to be left alone. But, that is usually when people bother me. I also have a family that likes to fight and argue all the time. They drive me nuts!!! I am currently taking "Paxil" to help me with my chemical imbalance as the docs say. I don't even really know what I am trying to say to you. There are so many things happening in my life. It would be nice if I could find a good job. I am currently unemployed looking for work. At this time of year it is very difficult. The holidays are just not much fun when you are broke. Thank God I live with my mom and grandmother. But, I want to contribute my share. Just can't right now. As you can tell, I'm pretty mixed up about everything. I want to be healthy, wealthy and wise. Is this possible to attain? Especially since I have to depend on medications and others to live. Sometimes I feel like giving up. It's all so complicated. I can easily just give myself an insulin overdose (I'm a diabetic). Before I started taking the Paxil, I used to think about death and dying quite a lot. It's been a while, but now because of all the stress in my life, I just can't take it for much longer. What can I do? Don't tell me to see a shrink either. They don't know how to help me. They are ignorant and I hate talking to them.

I can tell you something that the psychiatrists you've seen can't, and that is that I have been in the exact same situation as you have. I was depressed, unemployed, and coincidentally also on Paxil after being diagnosed as bipolar. There were various ways I found to get out of my depression and eventually get to the point where I am now. I'm still unemployed (I'm looking for a new job), but I'm a senior in college, I rarely get depressed and its always temporary, and I'm no longer on anti-depressants, although I'm still on medication to control the manic side of my bipolar disorder. Let me digress for a minute while I explain where I WAS.

I was 18, I was barely floating through college. I was 6'7" and 300 pounds. My obesity was due to one of the drugs I was taking for my disorder. Nothing clicked for me. I mean nothing. I slept from 7am to 7pm. What saved me was a combination of things. The first was a promise I made to God to never kill myself. You'd be surprised how fast that changes your outlook. When you realize that you don't have that "virtual escape", it becomes a kind of motivation. Before that, you had a fork in the road with two paths, one toward death and one towards life. When you destroy the path towards death you are making a decision that you're not going to give up on this existence. That's the first step.

The second step is a cleanup process. You make sure you've got the right medications. You make sure you've got the financial support you need whether it be government-supplied or not. And, most importantly, you surround yourself with people that are going to love, help, and support you. And if your family doesn't do that, then you leave. Simple as that. If you're proven to have a disabling disorder there is always government money to support you and places that will house you.

The third step is the road forward, which continues the rest of your life. There is an easy way to describe this. You do what it takes to get what you want. You want to be healthy, wealthy, and wise? Well, after steps one and two you're already healthy. Wisdom comes with experience, so you'll get that naturally. Everybody wants to be wealthy, but let me enlighten you and all my other readers about wealth.

Wealth is of this world. Love is eternal. If you're experiencing love and giving love and receiving love, then you have absolutely no need to worry about anything else aside from food, clothing, and shelter. I have a friend from grammar school who makes $7 million dollars a year at his job. I'm making nothing at the moment. The difference between us? Public status. Do I care about that whatsoever? Absolutely not. All I care about is whether my wife and kids will have what they need. And I will be able to provide that because of the love I have for God, my family and friends, and for everyone else on the planet. The love becomes the real wealth and the real motivation. Love goes with you when you die, money doesn't.

I'm in the same situation you're in. I'm on medication, I depend on other people, and my financial future is not secured. My difference from millions of other people in the world? None. The advantage I have that other folks don't have? Proof that God loves me and that if I love him and everybody else I will always have what I need. The way I get the message? Through angels. They're everywhere. Open your eyes and you'll see them, too.

I'll be praying for you. I'm also going to request guardian angels be sent to you....there are two of them. Both male. My guardian angel Michael says that they are professionals and that they were sent because you need serious, immediate help. I see one as a doctor and one as a priest. They are also bringing a female spirit with them. A small girl. Someone for you to love. You will be able to spot these angels when they come in to your life. They will be in human form. You have not met them yet. It will be soon.

Thank you very much for writing to me. I feel that you needed help very badly. I'm hoping that the message I'm sending you will help you to understand that suicide isn't a solution, but more of a path that isn't any fun to take. I've seen the world where the people that commit suicide live in. Its horrible. Constant pain, constant fear. Just don't do that to yourself. Let your God and your angels save you. That's what we're here for.

Love and Light are coming your way!

Love and Prayers, Shay