Letter 43

Dear Shay -

I have been searching for some answers regarding the marital problems I have been experiencing with my husband of six years. There are times I am not even certain that I am still in love with him because my anger, resentment and hurt feelings cloud my mind. There are times that I think the only reason I stay with him is for the benefit of our children. But I do still feel a strong bond with him and a true commitment to our marriage vows.

My husband has become a very angry person, primarily because I have stopped fulfilling his every need!! I am exhausted from being the loving wife, the perfect parent, and the hard worker. Every day, I remind myself that the love I feel for myself and my children will somehow dig me out of this "hole of confusion".

Strangely enough, my ten year old, gives me the greatest joy on a daily basis. I truly believe he was sent from God to watch over me. As he is a child from my first marriage, my husband is often jealous of the closeness that we share.

As I am sitting here writing this, I don’t think my husband and I are on the same spiritual level. I feel a strong connection to God and am seeking that love from myself and people around me. My husband would consider that a weakness and ridicule me for that type of behavior.

I could really use some words of encouragement.

Happiness. It's why we're here. We're here to experience happiness (Love) and hardship so in the future we're able to tell the difference. Our whole lives we experience pain so we are able to recognize Love when we feel it. Of course, this does not mean we should constantly put ourselves through undue pain and agony. Marriage is definitely not meant to be a torture device on your soul.

If you're hurting, you need to change things. The pain is an indicator that change is necessary.

I'm a big fan of counseling. I'm not sure if you are of a particular religion, but churches often offer this for free.

I don't think you should give up on your husband just yet. However, you definitely need to let him know how you feel. If he doesn't understand what shape the marriage is in, then there's no way he can put in the work necessary to fix his end of things. I had a friend that was recently blindsided by his wife because she never told him how she felt. She just declared they were getting a divorce. Please don't take that road without first putting some effort into fixing things. Let him know how you feel and definitely try to talk things out.

I'll be sending some Love for you. I know that to you Love may not seem to be what you need, but you've already got plenty of angels. I'm just going to put some more energy in their tanks.