Letter 57

Hi Shay,

I spent many hours reading the lovely letters and advise on your website.

Like many of the others, I have a huge problem: I am married to a person who I love, but am not in love with. Let me explain. This man is a great person and we have three children together, but over the years, we've had "seperate" lives. I didn't realize how much this affected me, until recently I got extremely lonely and I gave my heart to another person. I know that this is wrong in God's eyes, but I spend many hours a day thinking about this other person, and yes, the feelings are returned. My dilemma is that I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel like I am not being true to myself. Never in a million years did I think that my life would end up in a situation like this. In fact, I always looked down on those who gave up on their marriages. The truth is, now my husband knows about this other person, but he doesn't realize how deep my feelings run (and believe me, they are so deep)! I know that I need to tell him, because this isn't fair to him. He deserves all of me, and I cant give him all I have...

A few months ago, I had a "mental breakdown" and I am taking many steps to get better, but I am still so sad. I am a huge people person, I love people and they love me. I can't imagine all the disappointment I will cause my loved ones if I choose to leave, but then again, I can't imagine my life without this other person in it.

We do not see each other, but we do keep in touch. I know that he is just as much in love with me as I am with him and he has told me on many occasions that he would wait forever for me, but I don't want to make him wait anymore. I need him and I need to be happy again. Please help me!

Thank you for listening!

There is one OVERWHELMING fact that you must examine in this situation. You must look at the man that you have become romantically involved with and ask yourself this, "What kind of man is this that can look at me, a married woman, and have absolutely no problem with leading me away from my husband? What kind of man does this? What kind of man has no moral problem with doing something like this?" The answer is: A man who can’t be trusted. There is absolutely no security with a guy like this. You may leave your husband for this guy, and then 3 months later he’ll want to move on to the next married woman.

Also, keep in mind that if you have just had a mental breakdown, then you are really not in the type of condition where you should start new relationships, even if you WEREN’T married. A serious mental fall requires quite a bit of time, medication, and therapy to completely recover from. Decisions you make during this time can be very questionable. Don’t let fuzzy logic derail your life. Give yourself some serious time before you make any kind of decision regarding your marriage.

I will be praying for you. I also suggest that you spend a few minutes each day talking to Jesus. You’ll find that prayer will do you more good than anything else.

May the Love of Jesus be with you always!

Love, Shay