Letter 78

Dear Shay,

I've had a chance to read some of the letters that other people have written to you and now I don't feel so silly being personal with you. Here's my story: I got married right after I turned 18. I now have a son and this month I will be filing for divorce. We have already been separated for a year and a half but no one seems to understand how hard it is on me. I got married thinking it would be forever, but now I know that we weren't meant to be. I had a boyfriend for a couple of months after we separated. However, he was full of stupid lies and tricks. I guess you could say I fell for the "Baby, I love you!" line. Now I am single and being single doesn't really bother me. I'm still young - 21. Last Thursday I saw my ex-boyfriend and one of my best friends flirting, right in front of me! And my other friend has decided to stop talking to me.

I'm so upset now! I keep crying, and I feel so alone. I went to church with my cousin today, but I feel so out of place there. I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask? I guess I just need to learn how to find true friends and a boyfriend that is REAL. Can you help?

It sounds like you really need a re-orientation with life. Your “Love Radar” seems to be out of kilter because you keep hooking up with people who are insincere and hurtful. The # 1 thing you absolutely must do before proceeding with anything else is to ask Jesus to help you with your judgement. One prayer asking Him to assist you with that area of your life will do MUCH MORE GOOD than ANYTHING ELSE. One simple prayer, that is where you need to start.

Also, ask yourself this question: “How did I get here?”, "What exactly was it that got me going down this path in life?", "Why do I hook up with so many hurtful people?". You need to delve into your own mind and ask yourself WHY! You are the answer to your own question. The answer truly does live within you. Its just that at the moment you cannot see it. That is the biggest problem people have with life, they are unable to see the truth for what it is. And that is where Jesus comes into effect. That is what He is best at. That is how He is able to change the way you look at things so that you can be the healthy, happy, Loving you that you really want to be! He can do it! So my LONE request to you is this: Ask Him for help.

In my life I’ve also noticed a few things that have helped me in the friend department. Typically, the people that are worth being around are the ones that make an effort to spend time with me. Those people that tend to be life-long friends are the ones that both return my calls AND call me. They are the ones that give without expecting anything. They are the ones that listen to my thoughts and don’t mind if it takes some time out of their day to do so.

One time when I was in high school I was feeling pretty terrible, so I called up a friend. Then I called up another friend. I went through about three or four friends before I got someone who was willing to listen to me. Not only that, but when I was done talking to him on the phone he drove over to my house to just hang out with me and be my friend. And of course, surprise surprise, here it is 10 years later and he is still one of my closest friends. Many other people have come and gone in my life, but he is still around. And that’s not out of luck or chance, its just because he Loves me and I Love him. His friendship has always had a purpose in my life, and mine in his.

So keep a sharp lookout for people like that. Pay attention to those that put out extra effort. They are the keepers. They are the wonderful people. They are the ones meant to Love you. And of course, the best friends make the best BOYfriends.

Love, Shay