Letter 80

Hi Shay,

I have been reading your website and find it very inspiring. I have always believed in angels and have always felt a close bond with God. I have experienced many traumatic events in my 37 years and have always maintained strength, courage, and faith, even when those dearest to me have died, which is my affirmation that they really do exist.

Five years ago I was carefree, single and enjoying the best years of my life. Then my mother suffered irreversible brain damage during a routine surgery. As minor as the surgery was supposed to be, I had an awful premonition the night before that I would never see my mother again. I didn't, at least not as I knew her. From the moment it was confirmed that she would be in a childlike state for the rest of her days, and the doctors told us we should just let her go, I made the decision to take her home to care for her for however many days, months, or years God planned on keeping her here with us. Because she was totally dependent on machines and tubes, everyone advised against it The reasons ranged from "you are too young for this burden" to "it is too physically and emotionally demanding”. If you knew me (my nickname is "Zsa Zsa") you would understand why people were concerned. They could not understand why someone so young and attractive with everything going for her would want to give up her life to care for someone with absolutely no hope for recovery. But for me it was so clear. To me it was never a decision that had to be thought about or discussed, it was something I knew I was supposed to be doing.

For the past 5 years now I have been taking care of my mother 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I have not dated since and have never slept for more than 2 hours consecutively. I have gone through my "nest egg" and sold everything that would have secured my future in order to care for my mother……and I am as happy today as I was before the tragedy ever struck. I wake up every morning feeling joy at the ability to be able to kiss my mothers face and I get down on my knees every night and thank God for all of my blessings. People say, "How can you live like this?", or "How do you stay so strong and optimistic about everything?" My answer is always the same, "I am exactly where God wants me to be."

I never thought of this as a tragedy, it was more like my personal test. My sister always says "Why is God punishing us?". Yet I never viewed the situation like that. To me it was not a punishment, but a privilege. Knowing this and believing that it is just another chapter in God’s plan for me is what gives me my strength.

At the end of this story, my question is simple. Is it possible that some people just "know" what they are supposed to be doing in life at certain given moments?

I do not want to say that I have a sixth sense or that I have an inside track as to what God has in store for me, but sometimes I even find it hard to understand how I can have such strong intuition, perseverance, and faith. Are some people more attune to their lot in life or am I just convincing myself of this so it will be easier for me to resign myself to the fact that I have sacrificed a lot in my life? I really do not feel begrudged that I have lost years or money, etc. I always felt in my heart that my time will come, just not now. Is it possible that I have put too much faith in destiny and the hopes that God has a plan for me once my mother has passed? Although I am 37 years old, I have never worried about marriage, children, etc., because since I was a little girl I have always believed that God had already chosen for me the man I would marry and when the time is right God would bring us together. Am I being naive? Have I placed too much stock in "destiny"? A recent series of events over the past 6 months, unrelated to my mom's situation, has caused me to question my belief in fate.

I would love to be able to explain to you what actually transpired, but I have already given you an earful. Maybe in another e-mail I can fill you in on the rest?

I truly believe that when we are in need, all we have to do is ask God and he will hear us, but I am always open to advice from someone with insight.

Thanks for making it to the end of this e-mail.

I want to start by saying that you have achieved the pinnacle of Earthly destiny. You know what you were meant to do, you’re doing it, and that alone satisfies you. I feel that I usually fall into that category as well, however I always go through those times where I feel that I need to find that “next big thing” to put my energy toward. As I get older I feel that there is always more to do, more to accomplish, but it seems like you have conquered that to a great degree, and for that I commend you.

Yes, there are definitely people that know their destiny, and even though that destiny may not jive with “popular opinion”, they are still the happiest people on Earth. Knowing what you’re meant to do on this planet is half the battle. The rest is DOING it. It sounds like you’ve accomplished both, so don’t feel like you’ve made a mistake taking the path you’ve taken.

No, you have definitely not put too much faith in the Lord’s plan for you. Putting all of your energy, all of your hope, all of your “eggs” into the Lord’s basket is NEVER a mistake. For those who give all of their all for Him, only blessings follow. While we may have to go through some obstacles to get to those blessings, the blessings are still there nonetheless.

In Jesus Christ, there is no worry, no doubt, no fear that when we do good works, the Lord is proud of us. The most worthwhile work in the world is not rewarded monetarily, receives no notoriety, and often comes with much pain and suffering along the way. But by believing in His promises to us, to not forget us or forsake us, we can carry on with the most demanding of burdens, knowing that He is working right alongside us.

Keep your faith, remember that believing in Christ is the most important thing of all, and you WILL receive all the blessings that He has planned for you. It is always possible to marry, always possible to experience all of life’s pleasures. Even folks that are in their seventies are able to become foster parents. So don’t think that you are “washed up” at 37, because that is just not true.

The devil constantly tries to convince us that our “life is used up”, that there are “no more worthwhile things to do”. Be wary of these sorts of lies. They are thrown at us on a daily, if not minute-to-minute basis. So keep your eye on Christ, remember His promises, His salvation, and don’t stop believing in Him. His Love saves all, and that is absolutely 100% true!

May the Love of Christ be with you always!

Love, Shay